||[Jan. 7th, 2009|01:42 am]
Not often the word of choice when it comes to how you describe relationships nor friendships for that matter. Apparently my family has done everything short of disowning me for not confiding, or committing to them and I'm set up to be the biggest subject of "I told you so" ever.
On the cutting board one man's college aspirations shot down by finances to meek to support the habit due his own living expenses which rise despite everything he does to reduce them. Ultimately they are driven by other people. People that when they say they'll help you, actually do, and stick with it. Instead what do I get. A bunch of no good silver spoon fed leeches who have NO desire to be on their own and some that only lend a helping hand as long as its good for them as well.
I have a few options. get a 2nd job and bust my ass to pay bills and live alone. Move to a smaller place alone. Or continue to follow along people that "help" me. Frankly I don't like any of them but I have so much pride I can't fathom being anywhere else. As far as family there's no one to "lean" on unlike my "friend's" in the past, who seem to just go back to mommy and daddy and not have anything else to worry about except food and maybe car insurance. I say bullshit, Call me bitter, call me jealous but i feel that its just dumb that i was born into these meager circumstances and have to bust my ass and save and struggle for everything I want, or want to do. When all around me these "kids" get cars from mommy, and notes and insurance paid by dad.
WTF am I working so hard for. How is any of this fair? "ooh it will make you a better person" "you learn from your struggles" Bullshit I've lost over half of my immediate family to sickness all within the time it took for me to graduate high school. That car I drive was a graduation present from my mom yes. However that doesn't make me a hypocrite seeing as she had to die for me to get it.
(Run down for idiots. Jacques("good friend") moved in to help with rent only to leave because he couldn't keep a job and ultimately because Pierre "best friend" wanted Lee "asshole" to move in who only stayed for 2 months but within that time rekindled the flame in my soul to hate someone.And now the one closest to me wants to leave my house for an apartment in metairie...how lovely, the one person that I didn't expect to live now has leverage. )
Keep your friends close....
Any One with some insight on why i continue trying fit a square into a circle.